there's paper in my vomit.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
