sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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