I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
