You just made me feel so damn special
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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