Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
