Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
