She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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