Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
