Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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