dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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