Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
