Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
