She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
