Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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