I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
