I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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