last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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