You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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