Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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