the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
