we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
