goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
