He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
