Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
