I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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