Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
PANTIES FOUND
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