Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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