Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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