Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
