It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
