I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
