Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
