ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
