I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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