I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She bit a glass in half.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
