i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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