we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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