the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
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He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
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I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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