WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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