i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
