I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
