I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You may now shotgun with the bride
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
