The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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