Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
