I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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