i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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