I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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