were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize