I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I am one with the molecules
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
