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i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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