you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
