well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so let's talk penis.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
