god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
