I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
