oh god the rape fog is back!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
