Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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