Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Someone came in the potted fern
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
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