just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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